5 Ways to Get Support as a Non-Gestational Parent
It’s so common to feel alone or unsupported as a non-gestational parent growing your family in a queer relationship. Here are 5 ways to get support and care for yourself during this time.
1. Make time to center your own experience
It’s so easy to focus on the person who is or will be gestating the pregnancy— but it’s so important to make time to center your own experience of becoming a parent. You may need to put a reminder on your phone to focus on yourself for 5 minutes every day— just don’t forget about your own experience. Journaling, talking to a friend, and moments of mindfulness will go a long way towards helping you feel more connected to yourself and your own experience of growing your family.
2. Connect with other NGPs
Getting connected to a community of other non-gestational parents will help you in so many ways. You can join our monthly support group, reach out to other non-gestational parents in the community virtually or in person, and make time to connect with other people who share your experience— remember, you aren’t alone.
3. Cultivate ways to connect with your future child
It’s not uncommon for NGPs to feel that they have a hard time connecting with their future child. Making time to connect, whether that’s talking to the little person (out loud or in your head), writing a letter to them, or drawing a picture of them, can go a long way. And try not to judge yourself for feeling a different level of connection than you want to or that your partner feels.
4. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling you need to do everything yourself
It’s SO important that you get support— it’s a fallacy of capitalism that one or two people can do this whole life thing on our own. Remind yourself that you need support as well, and please don’t take on 100% of the housework, baby prep, etc now that your partner is gestating. Ask friends and community to show up for you and your growing family, set up a monthly community workday to get help organizing your home, and tap into/grow your community around you.
5. Be gentle with yourself
Don’t put pressure on yourself to feel any way other than you’re feeling— treat yourself with the same gentleness and care that you will treat your future child. This is a big transition and it’s sometimes less obvious as a non-gestational parent, to yourself as well as to the outside world. Love your inner child through it, and bring gentleness to yourself wherever you can. I promise this will help you practice being the parent you want to become.
